Gay Adoption

On July 13, John McCain said that he opposes adoption by gay families.  Gay rights groups immediately began blasting him for his stance.

From a New York Times interview:

Mr. McCain, who with his wife, Cindy, has an adopted daughter, said flatly that he opposed allowing gay couples to adopt. “I think that we’ve proven that both parents are important in the success of a family so, no, I don’t believe in gay adoption,” he said.

(this portion from the linked article below)

When asked if he opposed gay adoptions even if the alternative was that the child remain in an orphanage, Mr. McCain – who, with his wife, Cindy, has an adopted daughter – said that he wanted to encourage adoption and make the process easier, but that adoptive parents should be mixed-sex, traditional couples.

Of course, his campaign scrambled to “clarify” McCain’s remarks once he started taking some heat:

“John McCain could have been clearer in the interview in stating that his position on gay adoption is that it is a state issue, just as he made it clear in the interview that marriage is a state issue,” Tucker Bounds, a campaign spokesman, said in a statement. “He was not endorsing any federal legislation.”

So let’s talk about his comments.   This is obviously a bone thrown to his base, trying to rally far-right social conservatives.  But it also may not be that calculating and could also represent a truth about how he feels, hence his campaign getting out there to clarify his remarks.  One great sin in politics: speaking the truth.

Let’s face it: adopting a child these days is tremendously expensive.  That rules a lot of people out, people who might otherwise have tried to adopt a child and give him or her a good home.  So shouldn’t we encourage anyone — including gay families — to adopt a child?  Where is it written — other than in the far right’s minds and in so-called scientific studies that they have funded – that traditional, heterosexual households are any more stable than those of gays? 

(The heterosexual institution of marriage has been under siege for years.  More than 50 percent of marriages end in divorce.  Then there’s the Britney Spears “marriage” in Las Vegas that was annulled about 20 minutes later.  How does that define the “sanctity” of marriage?  But I digress.)

The argument goes that gay people are out to convert children to being gay, so they’re trying to get to the kids when they’re young.  That’s something, of course, that’s patently false.  Gay people aren’t out looking to convert people.  (And they’re not out looking to have sex with anyone of the same gender, either.  After all, one isn’t attracted to every person of the gender one sleeps with.)  But it’s an argument that’s proffered over and over that helps stoke fear, and fear tends to rule.  There’s no denying that some gays have molested children.  But it’s also true that there are some heterosexual people who have done the same.  There is no statistical evidence that gays commit this crime with more frequency than straights.

It’s really about giving kids good, stable homes where they are loved.  Gay people have been having kids.  Some of those kids have problems, sure.  So do the kids of straights.  The vast majority of kids raised by gay and straight families turn out to be happy, well-adjusted, productive members of society.  Isn’t that what it’s all about?

One more point — there are very few “accidents” of conception with gays and lesbians.  There aren’t any backseat-of-a-Chevy issues with gay couples.  Those who have decided to have children, for the most part, have taken a hard look at it weighing pros and cons before deciding to proceed.  They don’t decide to have a child before being sure that they can support the child, and give him or her what she needs — including a lot of love.  It’s the same for gay couples who want to adopt.  They don’t move forward unless they’re very sure they can do the job of being parents.

I know I’m writing in broad generalities.  But I think the model holds.  Gay families aren’t necessarily any better than straight families.  They’re just a little different and there is nothing at all wrong with that.